...........................I've been digging myself deeper. Its easy to do. I've been tired, depressed, disappointed, looking at everything I was missing, or that had been taken away. Like the Dwarfs in "The Last Battle," when they were tied up and thrown into the stable. They believed what they thought in their mind should be true. That nothing good could happen from their situation. No matter what happened, or what good things were given to them or offered, they wouldn't have it. Aslan had prepared a beautiful place for them to enjoy, but they blinded themselves to his goodness. They took Aslan's blessings and turned them into a curse, making themselves miserable, when they could have been enjoying their king's presence. It was their own fault. I've been doing the same thing. Since being home, the few doors that seemed open, quickly shut. I felt closed in, cornered, and cheated out of the blessings and pleasures I thought I deserved. I was shut in the stable, and to me, it was just that. Empty, dirty, smelly, with no way out. In stead of crying for help to The One who could open my eyes and show me the truth, I sat in the mire of self-pity and distrust biding my time in the prison of my mind. But my King, The One who loves me, pursues me, and gives me all, even when I lose faith in Him, was not content to let me stay there. In reality - THE TRUTH - is, that I am not in a stable at all! He has brought me to a beautiful place, a place He prepared just for me. A place where I can know Him better, deeper, more intimately. (Phil. 3:10) But more than that, (as if that is not blessing enough) just because He loves me, He has many, many, unspeakable pleasures and blessings for me in this place. I may not see them now, but they are there for me to discover in surprise at just the right moment of His chosing. Each one better than the last, as I follow Him "further up and further in" to fellowship with Him and His plan for my life. His richness and pleasure and all perfect things are mine. Here in this place where He has lovingly brought me.
"The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, ... the fulness of him that filleth all in all.
~Eph. 1:17, 23~